I have never been know for being a graceful person…as a matter of fact…most would say that I am clumsy, and not it that cute “every once and a while she slips in a puddle of water” kind of way; but more like the “Hey Misty, watch out, that is a flat surface, it can be a tad bit tricky to walk on” sort of clumsy. The…”She’s so clumsy she’s practically disabled” sort of clumsy, and after years of denying that I actually am as klutzy as people make me out to be, after last night I am inclined to agree.
See, it’s not hard to injure yourself if you really thing about it… the world is full of obstacles; doors, stairs, small yappy dogs, but it takes a whole new breed of people to almost break their nose in their sleep.
Yep, you heard me correctly… I almost broke my nose while 75% unconscious. I have this really bad habit of tucking my arms under my body while I sleep, and for anyone who has ever done this, for say…3 hours, you know that your arms will inevitably fall asleep. So here I am, snoozing away, drool on my pillow, husband snoring, a little piece of heaven in my tiny little insomniatic existence, when I decided…”Uh, I really hate this position… I should flip over”
Easy right? Yeah… not so much, remember how I mentioned the arms falling asleep predicament, well, it’s not very easy to adjust your body with you have limbs that are not wanting to cooperate. You can almost equate it to having 10lb weights tied to your upper torso that you have absolutely no control over. They just lay there, like dead fish.
So here I am… in desperate need to adjust my body into a more comfortable position only my body had decided to go a different route…the “Fat chance in hell your gonna flip over route” So I decided…desperately…to use physics to solve my problems. (Please keep in mind that the equations and relative outcomes of physics are not fully thought of when you are half asleep…this is a very important detail) So, keeping kinetic energy in mind I begin to rock my body, left…right….left…right, until I have just enough force to jut my shoulder and swing my uncooperative appendage to the other side of my body.
Ever heard of the theory; What goes up must come down.? Well, I am here to tell you that I have tested this “theory” and I find it highly accurate, seeing as how once my arm was directly over my head, my elbow (which was also non-responsive) decided it wanted to bend, now bringing my INCREDIBLY heavy arm and hand down onto the bridge of my nose.
Now, it is necessary that you understand my pain, so please…if you will for just a moment imagine dropping a 10 pound weight onto your nose from approximately 1 1/2 feet above you. Got it? Did it make you cringe? I hope so, because to me it felt like a WWF wrestler decided to use my nose as his own personal practice mat.
Keeping all of this in mind, I do feel an obligation to inform you that no, I did not actually break my nose, just my ego, and that amongst all the pain and suffering that I may have inflicted upon myself I can be rest assured that during all of this I did not wake my loving husband…who still continued to snore, through all the wailing, and pillow biting, and flagrant disregard for moral character.
Happy sleeping people, and just remember… where there is a will there is always a way, you just may need to verify your health coverage first.