As promised… another lame attempt at writing by yours truely. Enjoy 🙂
Desperation
The thumping is what always kept her coming back. That low continuous sound that radiated from Caleb’s drums. It felt like life to her. Always managing to rattle the ground; eventually pushing it’s way up and out of her chest like a heartbeat.
Thump, thump, thump.
God she loved that sound.
She had been coming to Max’s since she was 14; under age of course, but no one really seemed to mind. She stayed to herself and never once attempted to drink anything other than water. So whatever it was she so desperately needed by venturing into this dive bar, they felt obligated to give her. She never spoke, and they never questioned it.
At first her trips were for solitude. Well, that and a vain attempt at keeping her fingers from turning blue and falling off. Her mother had been laid off, and to keep from losing their home she did the only thing she could think of. Unfortunately, the sounds that particular job produced were just too much to take, so after four solid weeks of cold nights on a rusty fire escape she didn’t stop at the second landing, but instead climbed the whole way down.
Things hadn’t changed much in four years, she thought, glancing around the room from her corner booth. The red vinyl seats were still cracked from overuse and George, with his stained shirt and three day old scruff, was still slinging drinks. On most nights it was comforting; the predictability of it all.
But not tonight, tonight things would change. Tonight someone would finally talk to her, reach out to her, ask her something trivial and meaningless. Something that no one else on the planet would deem worthy, but she herself would consider a life raft. Tonight would be her last ditch effort to feel the heat from another’s hand. Not sex… her desire for human contact went no further than the simply touching of fingers, but the result would be the same. It would make her feel alive.
Tonight had to be the night, because she had no more nights left.
Thump, thump, thump.
Someone had to see her.
Thump, thump, thump.
She didn’t want to be invisible anymore.
Thump, thump, thump.
Why couldn’t he see her?
Thump, thump, thump.
It was useless.
She glanced one last time around the room. Everyone looked so happy; at peace with themselves. That’s all she had ever wanted. To be able to smile.
“I guess it’s true what people say about walls” she whispered. Placing her journal on the table she rose and made her way to the door; a weight heavy on her back. Tonight was her last night.
“Hey… Delilah!! Wait up.” She turned to see the boy who had kept her heart pumping.
“You forgot your journal.”
She looked at his out stretched hand.
“I’ll see you tomorrow right?”
“Yes Caleb… I’ll see you tomorrow.”
She smiled.
Wow!
You are so good!
Thank you for sharing. I love your flash fiction that you give us once in a while.
I can not write it. It requires too much and is much too hard but you’ve mastered it!
~JC~
Liked it. Kept me wanting to read on.
Good stuff! It’s tough to pack a story in so few words.
-Neal
Very good. Like John said, kept me wanting to read on.
What a talented writer Misty is! I can tell that every word is carefully selected to pass on imagery, feelings, the main character’s past and possible future. You will need to read this a couple times to appreciate fully what is happening, but it will be worth it.
I was immediately affected by the girl’s need for someone to reach out to her, talk to her and offer warmth from a hand. And despite what she had been through, her needs were very simple and pure — even in a place where people may not be at their best.
The ending was a bit mysterious for me. One question I have is why was it the last night? Why would there be no further nights? Was this a “now or never” sort of thing?
I also had to ask myself, “What did she do?” I don’t want to ruin the story for the reader, but her final action could have opened a few possibilities. I believe it served to illustrate just how far people will go to finally get the needed attention from a beautiful stranger, even if that attention is very short and simple.
I would like to say that Misty’s synopsis is an unusual one. She ever so humbly says, “As promised… another lame attempt at writing by yours truly. Enjoy!”
Well Misty, it’s far from a lame attempt. I give this story 5 stars! Great work!
Great work,Misty! I agree with the others, I wanted to keep reading. 🙂
cool beans but I wanted sex. Now.
Scott
Control yourself old man! 🙂
You grasped the depth of her emotion well. I felt sorry for her as she started to leave.
Awesome job!
Misty, I thought this was wonderful. Unbelievable how much I felt was going on in such a short work. I love your writing and think you have quite a gift. Thanks for sharing.
@Tom – I almost got the feeling the young girl was going to commit suicide, thus the reason for “the last night”. She was tired of her pathetic little life. If it wasn’t going to be changed by the drummer “a lifeline” than it wasn’t worth living anymore.
Thanks Gina & yes, spot on with the suicide assumption 🙂
Great work I loved it, the darkness of longing
Enjoyed, wonderful writing. Posted at Facebook too a comment.
I liked this – you got us hooked on the character in a very short time and now I too want to know more. I hope you flesh this out a bit. I love the idea that she keeps a journal – lot of opportunity there for growth in the story 🙂