For Your Information

Yesterday I “asked” all of you if you would like a sarcastic post about my trials and tribulations in 2010, and of course all of you said yes. (Shocking.) Unfortunately, 5 minutes later, when I got a truck sized load of Twitter responses insisting on my particular brand of “funny,” I realized the amount a pressure I just plopped on my shoulders.

In a brief moment of panic (which also involved swigging overly sweet wine from the bottle) I did what any normal person would do. I hid under my bed and prayed that gnomes would kidnap me. Of course… when that delusion wore off (I told you I guzzled wine) I did the next best thing. I told all of you that I sucked, and then began to desperately search the internet for ideas. Horrible decision.

I am “naturally” a disgruntled person. I say the wrong thing on purpose 85% of the time, I sling sarcasm like it’s the worlds most expected form of communication, and 9 times out of 10 my first response (thankfully in my head) is for people to “shut up and take it” So… reading 30 gazillion or so post about what a great year 2010 was did nothing but make me wanna puke.

Don’t get me wrong…2010 was not “the year of the devil” but it wasn’t exactly peaches and cream either. 2010 to me was a lesson in humility (I mean sheesh.. y’all saw how many times I walked into trees.) It was a lesson in forgiveness (Dear John, I forgive you for being a moron.. it’s not your fault you were fed paint chips as a child.) and more importantly, it was about making (and breaking) ALL of my resolutions, (Oh come on… eating cheetos in the dark is completly normal!! Just ask Ricki Lake!)

2010 (for me) was stressfull, it was hard, and to be completely honest… I’m really freaking glad it’s over. But… all of that said I did learn a few mildly important lessons.

1. When asked a question… it is ok to be a smartass first, (as long as you tweet within the next 10 minutes explaining that someone stole your phone and pretended to be you.)

2. Twitter is the root of all evil. (I spent a whole 3 mintues with 666 followers, nuff said)

And Lastly

3. When posting on a blog that (roughly) 70 or so authors read on a daily basis.. it is important to proof-read. (And I don’t mean just once or twice, I mean about 50 times cause one of those asses (I mean… talented humans) is gonna catch your screw-ups and then hold it over your head for a month.)

So here is to you 2010, the year that people like Snookie and The Situation were offered book deals, the year that kept our TV screens filled with natural disasters and lame reality TV stars, the year my husband insisted I wear a gag if I couldn’t control my potty mouth. I give you this… my final adieu.

Goodbye 2010… don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way out.